Idioteque
by eatthecity
Summary: They just keep breaking off little pieces of each other.
1. Prologue

**Rating:** PG-13 at most. **  
Spoilers:** None. **  
Disclaimers:** Not mine, most probably never happened. **  
Archiving:** Want. Ask. Receive.   
**Feedback:** I thrive on it and don't get nearly enough. **  
Pairing:** Light Janis/Regina   
**Summary:** _(They just keep breaking off little pieces of each other.)_**  
Comments:** See, I'm proud of this and I'm not quite sure why. I think it's probably the first piece of fic I've ever written that actually came out as I intended to, which may have as much to do with the fact that it practically write itself as much as anything else. Tell me what you think.

**Prologue**

_So, there was this one time when she and Regina were fourteen, not long after the "end", that Janis fell down the stairs. Her foot slipped when she was rushing to class and the drop wasn't that large so she figure she could make it instead of sliding down on her ass. She made it all right; landed on the side of her foot, grasping at Regina who was just a few steps ahead of her and wishing she'd just slid down on her ass instead. There was no sickening crack or ominous crunch, just a rush of pain that made the hall spin and the bile rise in the back of her throat. Regina shoved her off and turned sharply, some caustic comment at the ready. It died in her throat when she saw Janis' face, white with pain, and she caught her just before she hit the ground. _

_(This was the beginning of the real end Janis supposes later.)_


	2. 14

**14**

Just for a moment she arches on the floor, breath caught in the throat and all thoughts of just leaving flee from Regina's mind. She helps her stand, tears pricking Janis' eyes while she tries not to put too much pressure on her leg, and they hobble to the nurse together.

_(Only later it occurred to them that Regina could have gone for help.)_

The nurse inspects her foot while Janis grips Regina's hand and tries not to cry, because you don't cry in the presence of your enemy. The logic of the situation is lost in a haze of pain and when the nurse drops her a little too heavily and she can't bite back a yelp Regina squeezes her eyes shut.

_(It was eventually decided that the only place for her was the emergency room and Regina was reluctantly forced to stay behind. They conveniently forget that fact.)_

Three days later it's decided by the parental units that Janis is well enough to return, foot wrapped securely, lumbering along on crutches. Regina never acknowledges her existence, but, at some point during the day when she's passing, Janis tells Damian it's three weeks until she's off the crutches and she should be fine after that.

_(Maybe just a little too loudly.)_

The atmosphere is chilly between them still, but Regina always seems to be around when Janis needs a door opened or something picked up._ (They've never mentioned it, but one day Janis actually met her eyes and Regina supposed it was thank you enough.)_

Three weeks later they just happen to the only two people in the otherwise empty restroom. Regina smiles briefly at her when she's leaving and she guesses that's "You're welcome."

_(They've never mentioned the floundering moments when they almost spoke, neither willing to apologise, because they both knew they were right in their indignant fury. But later they both dwelled on it, in their lonely embarrassment.)_


	3. 15

**15  
**

_There ended up being a lot of unmentionables, like that one time Regina got sick and Janis had to bring her to the nurse. The nurse seems to have featured a lot in their recent past._

_(Regina thinks afterward that it was just a testament to the remains of their friendship that Janis never brought up her shoes again. Or it could have been to do with the fact that Janis didn't want to speak to her, but she likes to think it was the former.)_

* * *

At first she thinks it's just the sight of the frog's innards, a grotesque display for all the world to see before her, so she takes a step back to get some air before returning. There's nothing that's going to stop her from doing well on this dissection. It's going towards their Christmas grade and there's no way Regina's letting Janis Ian best her again this year in biology, sitting at the back of the room reading a book. Something to do with her protesting against cruelty to animals. Secretly, she just thinks that Janis is too chicken to get on with the deed. 

_(Secretly, she agreed with both.)_

Unfortunately, it's not long before she's as green as the frog and the teacher orders her to go the nurse. Unwilling to disturb the other students anymore than necessary, she sends Janis with her.

_(She never admitted it, but the look on Janis' face when she's forced to accompany her is what brought on the second round of nausea.)_

They troop up the hall in silence and when Regina grips her stomach against the cramps Janis mentions something about her stomach rebelling because it's finally been re-acquainted with food. Regina runs for the nearest bathroom.

_(Janis could always be cruel, she remembered. She generally lashed out when she was uncomfortable. Regina learned from a master.)_

She doesn't actually quite make it to one of the stalls and launches herself at the nearest sink instead. She almost knocks herself out and that's even before she begins to retch noisily and painfully. She can't remember eating as much as what came up and she's a little dazed when a gentle hand lifts her hair out of the way and rubs her back gently.

_(She didn't have to say a thing, there had been a sombre expression on Janis' face at that point. Quiet understanding, mixed with a little hopelessness. Regina never did understood why she did it to herself either.)_

Eventually there's nothing left to come up. Janis helps her move so she's sitting on the cleanest part of the floor, back up against the wall, and turns to leave. A flash of panic rushes through Regina and she lunges blindly at Janis, grabbing her hand. Janis looks confused and Regina tries to explain.

_(She tried to make her understand. Tried to make her understand herself as much as Regina.)_

"I, you, can't." Her voice is a little broken, understandable from all the vomiting. Janis moves to get her a drink and Regina shakes her head. "You can't let them see me like this." She finally whispers and Janis understands. She faces the sink and steels herself, glancing back at Regina.

_(This is all I owe you, my pound of flesh, her eyes said. Regina had never found it in herself to tell her that the only one who owed a debt was herself. She rarely found it in herself to admit it.)_

Regina just nods her head wearily and closes her eyes, leaning her head back against the cool tiles. She can hear Janis cleaning up her mess and when she's finished she helps Regina clean herself up too. It's only when she's looking down, splashing water on her face, she sees the vomit on her shoes. "Sorry." She says quietly and neither of them are really sure what she's apologising about. Janis shrugs. "Just shoes. Feel better?" She nods because she doesn't trust her voice and just about manages to make it to the nurse on shaky legs

_(If they were younger she'd be crying. Janis had always been the stronger one.)_

Janis leaves her at the door and goes back to class. Regina watches her the whole way, until she turns the corner at the end of the hall, and feels something break when she doesn't look back.

_(She'd never found out that Janis spent the rest of the period listening to her own broken sobs in the very same restroom.)_

Her mother comes to pick her up and she makes up something about food poisoning. She spends the evening curled up in bed, trying to forget. The next day things are back to normal.

_(Trying to forget that she'd spent her entire life trying to be Janis. She'd made a good job of forgetting, when she didn't have to see her.)_


	4. 16

**16**

There's one last spat between them, the last week of summer, right before Cady, right before everything got kicked into higher gear.

_(And with hindsight it was probably the catalyst.)_

* * *

It's a muggy summer evening, right at the end of the holidays and Regina's in Janis' dingy little basement while Janis makes excuses to Damian in the washroom. She doesn't know why she came, sitting gingerly on the edge of a couch that came from only god knows where, knowing the other girl. 

_(It's never been enough they missed each other.)_

Janis comes in looking mussed and flustered and snaps at her, sitting on her couch like it's going to give her the plague or something. "You've got a half hour, if you need it, now why the hell are you here?" Regina smoothes down her skirt and straightens her posture. "After everything we've been through the past two years, I've decided it's time to extend an olive branch and end this silly feud." She smiles, brittle as broken glass and with just the same hint of danger.

_(The truth is Regina's never had a clue why she went.)_

There's a moment in which Janis looks terribly angry and whether it's because she can't believe Regina's audacity to "extend an olive branch" or her obvious expectation of an apology on her part, she's not quite sure herself. Regina politely averts her eyes, but when she sees a painting of two little girls on a beach, obviously younger versions of themselves, her gaze jumps back like she's been scalded. Janis mouth twists in a cruel smile.

_(It didn't suit her, Regina has thought, horrified that in trying to be Janis she'd turned them both into herself.)_

"See something you'd rather forget?" She asks mockingly and Regina shakes her head. "Something I didn't realise I'd missed quite as much as I did." And Janis looks like she's been struck. "Can't we please just forget this silly fight? It's not like either of us even remember what caused it." Regina pleads.

_(And the pleading note in her voice had sounded as if she was begging Janis to forget.)_

Janis lips thin and she gives Regina a long look. "You wish." She answers and her voice is full of dark promise.

_(And she knew Regina wished, because she wished she could forget too.)_

"What did I do that was so wrong, anyway?" She sounds accusing, because they both know it was all Regina's fault, in the end. Her voice is shrill when she jumps up from the couch, skirt flaring. "You know exactly what you did!" And Janis' face is all sombre, just like before, full of the understanding that at once soothed and riled her before. 'How dare she be alright with this! It's not right!' Rages Regina in her head.

_(Because it wasn't fair that she could never feel at ease with it.)_

"You broke the rules! Girls aren't supposed to like girls!" And she sounds like the thirteen year old she was before, when all this started. Janis' voice is quiet and steady. "You liked it too."

_(I know, she thought.)_

She stops suddenly, smoothes her skirt down and glances at an indeterminate spot for a few seconds, regaining her composure. "I don't know why I bothered quite honestly."

_(Because you're still scared, just like me. Janis yearned to say.)_

"Then leave." Regina glares at her once more before she walks past her, perfectly controlled. Janis doesn't look back as she closes the door with a quiet click. The finality of the soft sound echoes through the room like a smack.

_(She leaves and another little bit of Janis breaks.)_


End file.
